Cinderella

So there's this song -- maybe you've heard it -- "Stealing Cinderella" by Chuck Wicks. Mom introduced me to it many months ago, and since then I downloaded it on iTunes, and I listen to it quite often. It's one of those heart-tugging country songs, and I must admit that 99% of those songs drive me nuts. But this one, well, let's just say it really gets to me.

I came to see her daddy for sit down man to man

It wasn't any secret I'd be asking for her hand

I guess that's why he left me waiting in the living room by myself

With at least a dozen pictures of her sitting on a shelf.

She was playing Cinderella

She was riding her first bike

Bouncing on the bed and looking for a pillow fight

Running through the sprinkler with a big Popsicle grin

Dancing with her dad, looking up at him

In her eyes I'm Prince Charming

But to him I'm just some fella

Riding in and stealing Cinderella.

I leaned in towards those pictures to get a better look at one

When I heard a voice behind me say "Now, ain't she something, son?"

I said "Yes, she quite a woman,"and he just stared at me

Then I realized that in his eyes she would always be

Playing Cinderella

Riding her first bike

Bouncing on the bed and looking for a pillow fight

Running through the sprinkler with a big Popsicle grin

Dancing with her dad, looking up at him

In her eyes I'm Prince Charming

But to him I'm just some fella

Riding in and stealing Cinderella

When I listen to this song I can't help thinking about Lindsey, and I usually end up sobbing like a baby, picturing that day in the future when someone is going to come and take her from me. Don't get me wrong -- in my head I know this is the natural progression of things, and when the time is right there is nothing I want more than for her to meet and fall in love with a wonderful, kind man who honors his Priesthood and wants to take her to the Temple. In my head I look forward to this -- but my heart never wants to let her go; my heart never wants her to be anything but my sweet baby girl who looks at me with big blue eyes and thinks her dad and I are the whole world.

Sometimes the words of another song pop into my head -- one with a similar sentiment but where the father, as he talks to his daughter's young suitor, sits cleaning his gun.

Sometimes I ache with the realization that in just a few short years my children will be grown. They will be adults, and I will have gone from being everything to them to being someone in the background of their own lives. Yes, this is how life goes, but it's a sad prospect.

I feel this overwhelming need to protect her. (Obviously I want to protect my sons as well, but those of you with daughters know there is just something different about it.) Honestly it freaks me out to think that one day there will be boys chasing after her, thinking thoughts that will make me want to clean MY gun right in front of any young man who comes around.

It's like I have said and like I've read on the blogs of so many others: children bring us the purest feelings of joy we can have in this life, but along with that comes the greatest vulnerability on our part and the greatest possibility of pain. It has to be that way, that if we want the absolute joy we must risk the absolute hurt. And maybe it won't hurt as much as I fear it will, that day when she leaves our home and grows into a woman; maybe I will be able to look at it as a success that Chris and I have raised a beautiful little girl into a lovely, smart, happy woman.

Yesterday was an especially emotional day for me. As I blubbered through the last 30 minutes or so of the Draper Temple dedication, I felt overcome with all the blessings of the Lord in my life. Sitting there in the dark with my arm around Nathaniel, I was reminded of the fact that these children are mine forever, if we qualify as an eternal family. I felt very vividly how wise our Heavenly Father is, how well He knows us and knows what we need. The ultimate goal -- to live as a family unit for eternity -- is attainable because of the blessings of the Holy Temple. I felt reassurance that Heavenly Father understands, as a loving Father would, how I feel about these sweet little ones and how much I need and want them forever, and He freely gives us the opportunity to not only have those we love now but to perpetuate that family relationship through the eternities. There is nothing else that matters to me as much as that.

For now, Cinderella, play on. . .